Feb. 11th, 2013

You know, the very best part of my day is...

coming home to a flooded bathroom.

This is after I went out to:

  • have a nice lunch

  • pick a few things at Walmart

  • mail some packages

  • drop off my Valentines to my two chosen Valentines for 2013

  • drop off my library books and pick up my new one

  • all while enjoying the nice weather.

    It's cold and misty here and everyone else wanted to bitch about it, but it's awesome being able to walk around my neighborhood and Downtown to get stuff done without melting in the Texas heat

    And of course, I come home and fall down as I try to stop the flow of water. When I supposed to be getting a dinner of simple spaghetti ready and sit down to watch one of the few tv shows that I watch.

    Can I just say, fuck my entire life and be done with it?

    Oct. 4th, 2012

    Okay, I've acknowledged my problem, but where do I go from here?

    I am so ridiculously annoyed at the moment and in general as of late. I'm almost always irritable over one thing or another. Most of it stems from my interactions with people, especially people that never seem to be wrong about anything. I personally have embraced acknowledging the problems I've caused and the fuck ups that have happened because of my missteps. I'm doing my best to have direct conversations with people when I am frustrated with them instead of just letting it build up and yelling at them.

    But for whatever reason, there are so many people that are resistant to these steps that I am trying to take. I understand that people are under no obligation to give any fucks about anyone other than themselves, but why must some of these people try to hinder my personal growth in the process? Why must my busybody coworkers muddle in my affairs or lose control so completely over their own, that it starts to effect the people around them?

    I personally like to, and need to, have have limited contact with people when I am not required to do so as outlined by my job description. I like having my own space and not talking to other people and falling in love with books. I relish my love affairs with imaginary characters and television shows and movies. I find in my own company the understanding that is so totally lacking from the people in my life a lot of the time.

    ... )

    Oct. 1st, 2012

    Well, it's been a while, journal.

    I find myself in such an odd position these days. I am so utterly disconnected to everything, because I have moved away from any and everything in life and online piece by piece. When I think about engaging more, I either feel overwhelmed or am reminded why I do my best not to care about others or be friendly to anyone.

    Most of all, I just feel tired and worn down. I am reminded each day that it is best to stay at home and read books, than it is to log on to websites or have conversations.

    I have worked so hard at blocking out everything, that I am finding that my memory is failing me. I am often lost and confused and can't remember conversations that I've had with people, because I don't care to do so, I suppose.

    I'm stuck in this place of Otherness, because I can see issues around me with certain clarity, but I feel absolutely powerless to effect any real change. Because no matter how hard we fool ourselves, every system put in place in all parts of the world are not meant to be short-circuited and I just feel like there is no point in trying to do anything most days.

    So, how does one carry on when you feel like nothing is worth doing?

    Read more... )


    Jun. 2nd, 2012

    I'm so massively tired after a long day of dealing with jerks all morning. They were either clueless or jerks and that is always grating for me. I myself tend to be hyper aware of my actions and how they will be perceived in these same situations. And then to stay a further few hours for a hosting shift wasn't as bad people-wise, but I was already tired.

    In the past two days, I've only gotten maybe 5 hours of sleep. My fault, but it doesn't change the fact that I was just ready to get out of there. I still have another shift tomorrow morning and then I'm on vacation.

    People kept asking me where I was going for vacation and it's the same answer I always have, nowhere. I literally take a week at a time to sleep. Catch up on my sleep and de-stress. I only take vacations when I am pressed as far as I can go and need time to not quit my job or get myself fired.

    Even though I hate my soul-crushing job, it is nice to have paid vacations. I can't just take them whenever I want to, but I can eventually enjoy the joy of being paid to stay at home.

    I really need to go over my MMoM 2012 fics and clean them up, because I want to post my Master List. I am also looking into being able to write more, even though May is over with. I mean, I do see at least two other people just posting away, as though it isn't June or anything. *laughs*

    Need sleep, but the Internet is calling my name. What to do? XD


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