Feb. 11th, 2013

You know, the very best part of my day is...

coming home to a flooded bathroom.

This is after I went out to:

  • have a nice lunch

  • pick a few things at Walmart

  • mail some packages

  • drop off my Valentines to my two chosen Valentines for 2013

  • drop off my library books and pick up my new one

  • all while enjoying the nice weather.

    It's cold and misty here and everyone else wanted to bitch about it, but it's awesome being able to walk around my neighborhood and Downtown to get stuff done without melting in the Texas heat

    And of course, I come home and fall down as I try to stop the flow of water. When I supposed to be getting a dinner of simple spaghetti ready and sit down to watch one of the few tv shows that I watch.

    Can I just say, fuck my entire life and be done with it?

    Oct. 4th, 2012

    Okay, I've acknowledged my problem, but where do I go from here?

    I am so ridiculously annoyed at the moment and in general as of late. I'm almost always irritable over one thing or another. Most of it stems from my interactions with people, especially people that never seem to be wrong about anything. I personally have embraced acknowledging the problems I've caused and the fuck ups that have happened because of my missteps. I'm doing my best to have direct conversations with people when I am frustrated with them instead of just letting it build up and yelling at them.

    But for whatever reason, there are so many people that are resistant to these steps that I am trying to take. I understand that people are under no obligation to give any fucks about anyone other than themselves, but why must some of these people try to hinder my personal growth in the process? Why must my busybody coworkers muddle in my affairs or lose control so completely over their own, that it starts to effect the people around them?

    I personally like to, and need to, have have limited contact with people when I am not required to do so as outlined by my job description. I like having my own space and not talking to other people and falling in love with books. I relish my love affairs with imaginary characters and television shows and movies. I find in my own company the understanding that is so totally lacking from the people in my life a lot of the time.

    ... )

    Oct. 1st, 2012

    Well, it's been a while, journal.

    I find myself in such an odd position these days. I am so utterly disconnected to everything, because I have moved away from any and everything in life and online piece by piece. When I think about engaging more, I either feel overwhelmed or am reminded why I do my best not to care about others or be friendly to anyone.

    Most of all, I just feel tired and worn down. I am reminded each day that it is best to stay at home and read books, than it is to log on to websites or have conversations.

    I have worked so hard at blocking out everything, that I am finding that my memory is failing me. I am often lost and confused and can't remember conversations that I've had with people, because I don't care to do so, I suppose.

    I'm stuck in this place of Otherness, because I can see issues around me with certain clarity, but I feel absolutely powerless to effect any real change. Because no matter how hard we fool ourselves, every system put in place in all parts of the world are not meant to be short-circuited and I just feel like there is no point in trying to do anything most days.

    So, how does one carry on when you feel like nothing is worth doing?

    Read more... )


    Apr. 13th, 2012

    What in the fuck????

    I'm finally going through and filing my taxes and I'm once again at the reason why I put this hell off later and later each year. I work in customer service for a living and nothing I encounter there can compare to the soul-crushing, mind-numbing horror that is filing taxes for the United States of America.

    To say it sucks is to say Sheldon of "Big Bang Theory" fame is a little anal.

    I'm still not done, because the effing government won't acknowledge who I am in my 2010 tax return and issue me an online filing pin. What the fuck?

    So now I have to try and call these jerks before I head into work tomorrow morning, even though I'm exhausted now and shall be up late. All part of the continued non-productive days off I've had. Barely bought groceries or had the chance to wash more than one outfit, because I've been at a family member's house.

    A family member that is cranky and semi-ungrateful and wholly dependent on other people around her. Not to mention the day we wasted with the others in this same condition. It all just makes me want to scream, because I can't seem to get any of my stuff done when I have to be around these people.

    They have done nothing but hinder for most of my life and now I'm supposed to repay their bs with help? As far as I'm concerned, not my problem. But it is my problem, because they've attached themselves to my mom as they always do.

    So now I'm stuck with a stupid refund that can't go through that isn't 100% and didn't give the deductions it promised, even though I effing paid for the service. And I've still got a crap ton of work to do at my own damn house. This is on top of the cut gas line that's left me with no hot water. It's times like this that I simply feel like giving up.


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