Feb. 11th, 2013

You know, the very best part of my day is...

coming home to a flooded bathroom.

This is after I went out to:

  • have a nice lunch

  • pick a few things at Walmart

  • mail some packages

  • drop off my Valentines to my two chosen Valentines for 2013

  • drop off my library books and pick up my new one

  • all while enjoying the nice weather.

    It's cold and misty here and everyone else wanted to bitch about it, but it's awesome being able to walk around my neighborhood and Downtown to get stuff done without melting in the Texas heat

    And of course, I come home and fall down as I try to stop the flow of water. When I supposed to be getting a dinner of simple spaghetti ready and sit down to watch one of the few tv shows that I watch.

    Can I just say, fuck my entire life and be done with it?

    Oct. 4th, 2012

    Okay, I've acknowledged my problem, but where do I go from here?

    I am so ridiculously annoyed at the moment and in general as of late. I'm almost always irritable over one thing or another. Most of it stems from my interactions with people, especially people that never seem to be wrong about anything. I personally have embraced acknowledging the problems I've caused and the fuck ups that have happened because of my missteps. I'm doing my best to have direct conversations with people when I am frustrated with them instead of just letting it build up and yelling at them.

    But for whatever reason, there are so many people that are resistant to these steps that I am trying to take. I understand that people are under no obligation to give any fucks about anyone other than themselves, but why must some of these people try to hinder my personal growth in the process? Why must my busybody coworkers muddle in my affairs or lose control so completely over their own, that it starts to effect the people around them?

    I personally like to, and need to, have have limited contact with people when I am not required to do so as outlined by my job description. I like having my own space and not talking to other people and falling in love with books. I relish my love affairs with imaginary characters and television shows and movies. I find in my own company the understanding that is so totally lacking from the people in my life a lot of the time.

    ... )

    Oct. 1st, 2012

    Well, it's been a while, journal.

    I find myself in such an odd position these days. I am so utterly disconnected to everything, because I have moved away from any and everything in life and online piece by piece. When I think about engaging more, I either feel overwhelmed or am reminded why I do my best not to care about others or be friendly to anyone.

    Most of all, I just feel tired and worn down. I am reminded each day that it is best to stay at home and read books, than it is to log on to websites or have conversations.

    I have worked so hard at blocking out everything, that I am finding that my memory is failing me. I am often lost and confused and can't remember conversations that I've had with people, because I don't care to do so, I suppose.

    I'm stuck in this place of Otherness, because I can see issues around me with certain clarity, but I feel absolutely powerless to effect any real change. Because no matter how hard we fool ourselves, every system put in place in all parts of the world are not meant to be short-circuited and I just feel like there is no point in trying to do anything most days.

    So, how does one carry on when you feel like nothing is worth doing?

    Read more... )


    Jun. 24th, 2012

    Not this crap again.

    It is insane just how quickly a hive mind had taken over the AL:VH fandom on Tumblr. It's almost to the point where I wish I had never used my Tumblr to interact with fandom at all. True, it's my own fault for creating fandom spaces, but someone else was bound to do. So, in a way, it's barely my fault for basically founding the fandom.

    It just irritates the living fuck out of me that as soon as you say something that is not a popular opinion, certain people feel the need to instantly reblog your posts and explain why you're wrong. I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that it was MY blog and that I could post whatever I wanted to post. But even so, there's this feeling like your blog "belongs" to fandom, like it has a right to dictate what you post, how you feel, and what you think about AL:VH or anything else.

    Cut for length )


    Jun. 2nd, 2012

    I'm so massively tired after a long day of dealing with jerks all morning. They were either clueless or jerks and that is always grating for me. I myself tend to be hyper aware of my actions and how they will be perceived in these same situations. And then to stay a further few hours for a hosting shift wasn't as bad people-wise, but I was already tired.

    In the past two days, I've only gotten maybe 5 hours of sleep. My fault, but it doesn't change the fact that I was just ready to get out of there. I still have another shift tomorrow morning and then I'm on vacation.

    People kept asking me where I was going for vacation and it's the same answer I always have, nowhere. I literally take a week at a time to sleep. Catch up on my sleep and de-stress. I only take vacations when I am pressed as far as I can go and need time to not quit my job or get myself fired.

    Even though I hate my soul-crushing job, it is nice to have paid vacations. I can't just take them whenever I want to, but I can eventually enjoy the joy of being paid to stay at home.

    I really need to go over my MMoM 2012 fics and clean them up, because I want to post my Master List. I am also looking into being able to write more, even though May is over with. I mean, I do see at least two other people just posting away, as though it isn't June or anything. *laughs*

    Need sleep, but the Internet is calling my name. What to do? XD


    Is this my life? Seriously? O.o

    I am having the oddest dilemma of my fandom life at the moment. I'm actually faced with what appears to be blatant plagiarism of my fandom work. It's crazy, because this has never happened before to my knowledge. But here I am.

    I'm kind of going in circles, because I'm in a ridiculously small fandom. Meaning, we shouldn't have drama or be stealing one another's work this soon into the game. There are literally, like, maybe 20 people that ship the Henry Sturges/Abraham Lincoln pairing from the book, "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." I'm currently the only person writing smutty fics for the Abery pairing, outside of one lone other story that showed up after mine.


    I posted a fic for the last day of [info]mmom (which has been eating my life this past month) on the various sites that I post to and what pops up today? An extremely poorly written copycat fic that mimics the story I literally just posted the day before that this same "author" liked and commented on via Tumblr. She changed the substance used, but she copied the actions and reactions exactly. Like I said, it's the oddest thing, because how do you go about telling someone to back the eff up off of your work?

    I even had someone who had read the original fic re-read the copycat fic just to be sure and they agreed. This person hasn't done this to me before, that I know of, so what do I do now? My friend says karate chop them and I'm literally flabbergasted. I know that it's a compliment and all, but why the fuck would she steal my work and then post it where I would see it? Again, there are maybe 20 of us in all spread out over something like five websites.

    *headdesk* I kind of wish that the stories were on an archive, because I could just report her and that would be that.



    May. 2nd, 2012


    God, I'm having a time of it. I haven't gotten around to posting any fan fic in two years and I'm at a loss for words. Or, more specifically, I'm at a loss for the correct words. I know what I want to say in general, but how to get to where I want my fic to be? This is especially tough with no sounding board/beta to ask about how things sound.

    So much easier to just be lazy and do nothing, even though I want to participate in fairly simple challenges. But I myself am a wordy bitch who rarely tells a simple story using as few words as possible. And that is precisely where I get hung up every time. I try to go too far? to search for a word, then get frustrated or distracted by the Internet in general. There are simply way too many awesome things online and way too many appealing naps to be taken to get any real work done.

    How do people do it? Is it mostly practice or mostly forcing yourself to write for a set amount of time? Or is it just blessed magic?

    Either way, I'm worn out and need sleep, but I really want to get this fic blurb done, even if it is technically late for my time zone. lol


    Apr. 25th, 2012

    S> Reality Check

    I love the fact that all it takes is a few random finds on the Internet to give you perspective about the useless a-holes we all run across on a daily basis. I'm talking everyone from the collar-popped douches of the world to the rampant pseudo-intellectuals that have taken over the Internet.

    Most particularly, I’m referring to the variety that grows and festers among social media and networking sites. I’m talking about those persons who write long 'essays' about stuff they know nothing about. This further applies to the anonymouses that gather together in hate threads/communities/Tumblrs and the like.

    It's not so much that these things didn't dawn on me before, but more like a revelation that I am not alone in this train of thought. It can be hard to maintain a complete connection to the reality of a situation when you have a horde of yahoos all preaching the same brand of off-kilter hive mind thought. It is especially aggravating when this reality is utterly clear, if people would take two seconds to pull their heads out of their behinds.

    It always gets me thinking. )


    Apr. 24th, 2012

    Is LJ completely full of trolls?

    Seriously, all I want to know is:

  • When did the entire LJ community go batshit crazy?

  • When did all of the trolls on LJ move into positions of power and were allowed free reign?

  • When did it become a rule that you must agree with the majority and not point out honest-to-goodness facts? Like if you cannot deal with something, maybe you should stop interacting with it.

  • Because I got to tell you, that is good solid advice. And definitely looks like something I might have to look into my damn self.

    I can't say that I've ever been thrown for such a loop in my LJ life. I don't go out of my way to troll people, because I am much more interested in having an intelligent conversation than needlessly fighting. It's just that trying to reason or discuss anything with the rude and aggressive posters in LJ comms these days is an experience that one could never see coming. Not if you don't hang out in the comms enough.

    Dear, goodness. )


    Apr. 23rd, 2012

    Wooooow. o.o

    I just had another reminder why I decline to interact with people, especially fanfolks in fandom communities. Some of those people love a good fight over absolutely nothing. This fact never ceases to both surprise and amaze me. But hey, this is the Internet and anonymous trolling and pr0n reign supreme.

    Even so, the entire discussion as a whole turned out to be rather informative in a general way. A couple of folks were more into confrontation instead of clarification, but that is to be expected. *shrugs*

    I have to admit that I had the most boring day at work, but I suppose boring > aggravating. I've been looking forward to my days off so that I can sleep to my heart's content and maybe force myself to create fic for my unloved pairing. Seriously, how are more people NOT shipping Abraham Lincoln/Henry Sturges??? The fiction might not be that great, but I'll probably end up warning for that and calling it even.

    The pairing itself is clear as day, but there are not enough people in the fandom to really get it going. It would be wonderful and complex and sexy as hell if handled correctly. I, a person who has never been one for long fics, am half-tempted to tackle this myself. My only issue is that I don't have a standing beta or anyone that likes/has detailed knowledge of things that I like. I basically have to type up stuff and depend on others randomly showing up to offer con crit or spotting the issues later on after it's posted for ages.

    Whatever happened to build it and they will come? Does that only work for baseball fields and not fan fiction communities?

    /shameless promo



    Apr. 13th, 2012

    What in the fuck????

    I'm finally going through and filing my taxes and I'm once again at the reason why I put this hell off later and later each year. I work in customer service for a living and nothing I encounter there can compare to the soul-crushing, mind-numbing horror that is filing taxes for the United States of America.

    To say it sucks is to say Sheldon of "Big Bang Theory" fame is a little anal.

    I'm still not done, because the effing government won't acknowledge who I am in my 2010 tax return and issue me an online filing pin. What the fuck?

    So now I have to try and call these jerks before I head into work tomorrow morning, even though I'm exhausted now and shall be up late. All part of the continued non-productive days off I've had. Barely bought groceries or had the chance to wash more than one outfit, because I've been at a family member's house.

    A family member that is cranky and semi-ungrateful and wholly dependent on other people around her. Not to mention the day we wasted with the others in this same condition. It all just makes me want to scream, because I can't seem to get any of my stuff done when I have to be around these people.

    They have done nothing but hinder for most of my life and now I'm supposed to repay their bs with help? As far as I'm concerned, not my problem. But it is my problem, because they've attached themselves to my mom as they always do.

    So now I'm stuck with a stupid refund that can't go through that isn't 100% and didn't give the deductions it promised, even though I effing paid for the service. And I've still got a crap ton of work to do at my own damn house. This is on top of the cut gas line that's left me with no hot water. It's times like this that I simply feel like giving up.


    Apr. 11th, 2012

    Zimmerman FINALLY Charged

    I have only just read about this maybe 25 mins ago. It is about damn time that this bastard was finally charged. The fact that George Zimmerman was allowed to go free and hide out for so long reminds me that I am still not safe in my own country. Not only am I not safe, I am still nowhere near as important as my White counterparts and that my death shall go unsolved, "because it's just another dead n***er."

    Trust me when I say, this is the case on all levels in all parts of This Great Nation. Nay, it is the case the world over.

    As long as women continue to be targeted and are burned alive for being "witches" and young men are shot for being "suspicious," then our world shall never safe. It shall never have a clue and we as a species are fated to do ourselves in. I cannot even say that I'm being overly dramatic here, because there honestly is no other way to slice it. Until we as a species collectively pull our heads from the sand, we simply aren't built for the long term.

    Who needs an apolocalyspe when we have humans to destroy the world?

    Tags: ,

    Apr. 7th, 2012

    Seriously. Just let it go. >.>

    I like the fact that even with me shutting down the wanking from the main CS comm, someone decided to attempt to kick up a wank in the Alt CS comm. We were all literally having a really good conversation with all different views and examining the way the main CS comm treats people who are not a part of the hive mind, and in strolls someone who took immediate issue.

    Right away, she decides that dragging drama from the main comm to the alt comm is the best way to break the ice. Then, she gets into with other commentors and even goes so far as to say, "Why don't you go get your wife to change your diaper, you appear to have a bad case of nappy rash, oh wait, that's butthurt."

    I mean, how is that helpful? How does that get any point you're attempting to argue across? It's almost as bad as the main comm that leaves no room for anyone to say anything that contradicts the majority. It's just mind boggling how some people's minds work.

    So, they go on to try to shout me down about words people use and it's honestly a lot of self-righteous blah-blah-blah. But I attempt to reason with them for all of two seconds before their backseat modding kicks in. Naturally, when I call them on their backseat modding, they basically whine that 'telling someone the rules isn't backseat modding'.

    Uh, yeah it is. I believe that is part of the definition of the action. But whatever. I simply stated that I wasn't going to argue with someone who thought they were right about everything, because it's pointless. It's a waste of time and these online arguments don't matter. They change nothing and only serve to create needlessly hostile environments.

    Honestly, if they want to bitch out people over every single point, this person needs to go join the main comm and leave the alt comm for the civilized people that want to have a discussion, not an argument steeped in stupidity and blanket statements.


    Tags: ,

    Apr. 6th, 2012

    Oh! There you are, Drama!


    I have had my very first, direct run-in with God Modding. I've heard about it, seen it in passing, and definitely seen it being mocked. But, I have never had mods jump all over me for such a small thing.

    I also had my CRL entry play host to such a powerfully derailing tidal wave of wank, that I found it best to simply sidestep the entire conversation. I knew it was bad when I saw at least two of the community's mods arguing and fighting with the regular members. Not even to correct them via Mod Notes, just plain wanking like children.

    How is it that a community I have been a part of for quite some time has managed to fall apart while I was not looking? I knew that things had gone bad, but it seems that I was utterly blind to the astounding depths of insanity that place had plunged to.

    Cutting for space )

    Tags: ,

    Apr. 5th, 2012

    Step One: Secure table Step Two: Lose your mind


    Let’s talk about a suck that I’m rather late on typing up (few weeks old), but isn’t quite past its sell-by date, shall we?

    We’ll start with how NOT to dine at a restaurant.

    When going out for a meal, it’s customary to enter the building, be seated, order your food, eat said food, and get the hell out. What is not suggested is everything single thing that Crazy, Racist Lady chose to do.

    She came in while we were semi-busy with a family of six. Everyone but her chose to go to the restrooms to wash their hands. I asked her twice if she was sure that she didn’t want to go to the restroom to wash up too, because her table would still be there. She insisted that she was fine, because she had wet wipes.

    Everyone following thus far? Good.

    Onward to this new level of crazy! Kinda long, but it comes with pictures! :) )

    Crossposted: From the Customers_Suck comms over on LJ.

    ETA: Finally getting around to typing this up got me talking with my co-worker last night about this mess, and she reminded me of a few other choice words this woman had. To be honest, I can't believe that I forgot it, but it's been a bit since it happened and she had a whole lot going on.

    But my co-worker, B, reminded me about her demanding to know if we had "another restroom." And she even told me, which I hadn't known before, that she had been pestering her server (who is awesome and mostly unflappable, but was reduced to swearing after minutes of this woman's time) about "another restroom." She actually said the words (more of less), "I don't want to use the same restroom as them.

    What the fuck? Imma just block the rest out, too, I think.

    Feb. 25th, 2012

    Really, Sir?

    Crossposted: customers_suck

    Note: Felt like posting this here, too.


    Have you guys seen this yet?

    What is with all of the high and mighty jerks lately? What happened to those random rich people that would leave crazy tips and would be highlighted on the evening news.

    Now, for my own recent/on-going sucks. Swear warning goes here. And omg, this got long fast! warning goes here as well. )

    April 2015

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